Let spice things up a bit! Today's guest has penned dozens of steamy and explosive erotica novels and she is here today to share some of the wisdom she has discovered while researching her books regarding the important things regarding any potential Doms, be they heroes or real life men. Please give it up for Ann Mayburn! :-)
Top Ten Things to Look for in a Dom
by Ann Mayburn
Before you start chatting with a stranger on Fetlife or attend your first local BDSM meet and greet it’s good to keep a few things in mind about your potential partner before you hand them the key to your heart.
Things to Look For
1) These apply to any potential suitor you meet, but they are so important that I have to include them here. You want a man with a job, a home, and a car. Shallow? Not really. If he can’t take care of himself he probably can’t take care of you.
2) He is patient. Things won’t always go well inside and outside of the dungeon and you don’t want a man who loses his shit while your bound up and unable to defend yourself. While yes, no two couples work the same way and have the same kinks, unless your kink is him flipping out on you for not living up to his standards you might want to consider a man who is mature enough, strong enough, to guide you with patience.
4) He loves you AND your life. A good Dom will never, ever, try to isolate you from the ones you love. While he may not adore your family the way you do, he will never try to remove them from your life and prevent contact. If he ever says ‘If you loved me you wouldn’t talk to xxx anymore’ run for the hills.
5) He is aware of the human body and its limitations. While most of us would love to be as limber as a Russian ballerina, we just aren’t.--insert image ballet-- Your Dom should know about the dangers of restraints and how much damage can be done by tying or restraining you in certain positions for any amount of time.
6) He wants you inside and outside of the dungeon. Unless being a sex toy is what you’re looking for make sure you see each other in the real world. Can you have dinner with him and not just sit and stare at your plate because your vegetables are more interesting to have a conversation with than he is? It’s easy to get caught up in the rush of a new relationship, but you can only have sex for so long before you have to talk.
7) He will never make you do things you don’t want to do. Ok, I’m not talking about pushing your limits or sticking his pinky in your butt when you said you didn’t think you liked anal sex. I’m talking about making you do things against your will that you don’t want to do. It is ok if sometimes you just don’t want to have sex or play in the dungeon. While in romance books the hero would pull some magical sexual elixir out of his ass and change your mind, in the real world you get sick, you get tired, and sometimes you just want to cuddle and be held. If he forces you to have sex and you say no and safeword out, that is rape.
8) He’ll be ok about taking things slow and getting to know each other before strapping you to the St. Andrew’s Cross. Just because you don’t drop to your knees and blow him at your first opportunity doesn’t make you a bad sub, it makes him an asshole. He should be interested in you, not just what you can do for him as a fuck toy. Even if you just want to be his fuck toy, make sure he sees you as a human being. One of the main personality traits in serial killers is that they don’t view people as people, but as objects. Don’t let anyone make you an object.
10) Educated. I’m not saying that he has to hold a Masters(snicker) degree, but you want a man who you can hold a conversation with. Intelligence is sexy and in BDSM essential. You want a Dom who is smart enough to push you when you need to be pushed, wise enough to back off and cuddle you when you need a cuddle, and intelligent enough to not bore you to tears when he isn’t having sex with you. ;)
My Wicked Valentine. I wrote this book as a general introduction to BDSM while keeping it hot and yummy. ;) It’s like my training wheels BDSM book. In the next book in the series, My Wicked Nanny (coming April 2nd), I take the training wheels off. And in the third book, My Wicked Devil, I push you down a hill. ;)
If you were young, single, and carefree would you be more likely to want an Alpha male submissive to call your own, or would you rather wear some magnificent man's collar?
What is the most important trait that you think a Dom/Domme should have?
From a young age she's been fascinated by myths and fairytales, and the romance that often was the center of the story. As Ann grew older and her hormones kicked in, she discovered trashy romance novels. Great at first, but she soon grew tired of the endless stories with a big wonderful emotional buildup to really short and crappy sex. Never a big fan of purple prose, throbbing spears of fleshy pleasure and wet honey pots make her giggle, she sought out books that gave the sex scenes in the story just as much detail and plot as everything else-without using cringe worthy euphemisms. This led her to the wonderful world of Erotic Romance, and she's never looked back.
Now Ann spends her days trying to tune out cartoons playing in the background to get into her 'sexy space' and has learned to type one handed while soothing a cranky baby.
My Wicked Valentine by Ann Mayburn
Book #1 in the Club Wicked series
Lucia Roa needs a miracle to keep her fledgeling event planning business from going under. When she gets word about the opportunity of a lifetime to do a Valentine's Day party for an elite club in Washington D.C. she jumps at the chance, only finding out that the party isn't for just any club, it is for the premier private BDSM club, Wicked. Desperate for a chance to make the social and professional connections that this job would offer, she agrees to a most unconventional business arrangement with the handsomest man she's ever met.
CEO Isaac O'Keefe swore off relationships years ago after having his heart broken and his bank account emptied by his gold digging first wife. He thought he'd managed to keep his heart under lock and key, but when Lucia walks into his office he is instantly drawn to the fiery beauty in a way he's never felt before. He convinces Lucia to take the position as event planner for Wicked's Valentine's Day Party, but in order to make the event a success, something he needs to happen to secure his place on the board at Wicked, he must give her a crash course at all the dark pleasures BDSM has to offer.
What starts out as a business partnership quickly turns into something more as Lucia breaks down every wall around his heart without even trying. Isaac must then make a choice, push Lucia away and continue to live a safe, but lonely life, or open himself up again to the greatest pain and pleasure in the world... Love.
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