Monday, 11 February 2013

Guest post by Amy Joy Lutchen + Giveaway

Today's guest brings you something you don't see much here: classic nursery rhymes rewritten in a tongue in cheek parodized way. Please welcome Amy Joy Lutchen, author of Renhala, a very unique urban fantasy novel, and leave a comment to be entered to win a beautiful, handmade silver and amethyst necklace! 

Hi everyone! When first asked to write a post for the awesomely awesome Stella of Ex Libris, I didn’t know exactly what I should do, but recently having written a paranormal parodies post for another site, I thought what better than write more parodies, but on a LOVE NOTE, especially since Valentine’s Day is approaching! Instead of boring anyone with ramblings, I wanted to create something short and sweet , but memorable. So below, you will find my engaging creations.

I’ve first named the children’s nursery rhyme, then followed it up with the parody. Make sure you sing aloud (really loud to give your dogs and cats a rise) to the tune of named nursery rhyme.

Also, the last is based on my book, Renhala, which is a. If you’re up for intense world-building, some painfully beautiful, loving relationships, and some scary-a** creatures, it’s calling your name…


Twinkle, twinkle, little star:

Fickle, fickle, guarded heart,
How you think you’re oh so smart,
Hidden deeply on the sly,
Missing chances by and by.

Jack and Jill:

Jack and Flo went to the show,
To watch a film of romance,
Jack was bored,
And so he snored,
In bedding Ms. Flo: no chance.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe:

There was an old woman who lived with a ghost,
She had so many wants, she didn’t do most
So she gave it some love without any touch,
Then exorcised it quickly and didn’t cry much.

Three blind mice:

Three blind dates, three blind dates,
See how they flop, see how they flop,
The candidates failed with wandering eyes,
Did she ever think that she’d land on a prize,
From three blind dates, three blind dates.


Fasty-Nasty laid on her bed,
Fasty-Nasty cared not what was said,
All the town’s lads and all the town’s lasses
Couldn’t love Fasty ‘cause she served all the masses.

Hey Diddle Diddle:

Hey diddle diddle,
Kailey has a riddle,
Conner jumped through her hoops.
Ladimer she swooned,
By being just her,
And a dragon picked her up with a swoop.

Kailey Rooke, timid accountant, dedicated to philanthropic work, finds herself spiraling into a deep depression after she suffers a horrifyingly odd and humiliating assault, to only discover more of these freakish assaults occurring across the globe.

A chance discovery leads Kailey to a meeting with elderly Gunthreon, actual master of persuasion. Gunthreon, who seems to know too much of Kailey's history for her liking, opens Kailey's eyes to a coexisting realm she never knew existed: Renhala, while entrusting her with the knowledge of her newfound power as karmelean, serving as a beacon to the Higher Ones. Kailey slowly starts revealing new talents, and Gunthreon is fascinated with what she starts achieving.

She soon discovers that Renhala is in danger, and this danger has been leaking into her own realm. As she uncovers secrets within herself, and attempts to toughen up, she fuses with an unlikely band of fellow travelers (including a dragon, woodsprite, six-hundred-pound greble, her faithful female canine companion, and a "giver"), falls into an unexpected love triangle, deals with her sexy and flirtatious best friend’s “issues,” and finds the courage to master a new deadly weapon.

On her mission to save Renhala, Kailey will find herself running from life-threatening disasters, such as greble Tartarin, who likes to remind Kailey that when he catches her, he plans on eating her brains with ice cream; she'll run from the deadly meeples: small cute bunnies with talons and an undeniable thirst for imposing self-destruction on others. Kailey will also run into the possibility that a centuries-old Renhalan rumor is true, that advanced technology existing in Kailey's realm shortens all life spans.

As blood is shed and puzzles near completion, Kailey pulls from deep within herself, conjuring up mystical qualities that enable her to astonish as once predicted at her birth, but despite the newfound strength, Kailey will discover that monsters not only come in ugly packages, but can be easily disguised as those she has come to love and trust.

Born in Chicago, Illinois, a few days prior to watching her first movie, at a drive-in theater. Yes, drive-in theater. And yes, her mother believed she was possessed by the devil after said first movie.

Grew up in the Chicagoland area and graduated from the University of Illinois, Champaign-Urbana, where she simply became a number, but decided it was a good number.

Loves cooking (mostly candy-cooking), gardening (putting holes in the ground for perennials, DONE!), designing and constructing jewelry (everything from silversmithing to lampworking), and living with her wonderful husband, two children, black Labrador, and frog—and maybe even the chipmunk family that likes to destroy her aforementioned perennials.

Also hopes that you enjoy her writings, and won’t criticize her for her aversion of eating things in multiples of three.

Connect with Amy at her blogFacebook - TwitterGoodreads


Amy has generously offered a unique, handmade sterling silver and amethyst necklace to a lucky commenter!

To be entered just tell us what is/was your favourite nursery rhyme or song?

Giveaway is open worldwide and ends on 23 February 2013!

Good luck!

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